


may i stand unshaken (before you)

by thejamesoldier



Category: Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Humor, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempt at Humor, Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, Childhood Trauma, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, His Dark Materials au where everyone's soul exists outside of their body in the form of an animal, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Smut, Young Arthur Morgan, Young Dutch van der Linde, Young Hosea Matthews, Young John Marston, a good chunk of this takes place before RDR2 and RDR, and before arthur even meets dutch and hosea, like back when arthur is in his twenties
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:54:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21681781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thejamesoldier/pseuds/thejamesoldier
Summary: It is in that moment, the breath after her fingers leave his cheek, that Arthur comes to realize he's been a fool and will continue to be a fool for her till the day his Dæmon looses itself to oblivion, his body succumbs to mortality,  and his conscience gives out under the burden of his sins. And maybe even after that, maybe even in death -- stardust whispering after a shooting star, still following her because that's just how the universe made him.Arthur has always been loyal to what matters, and its her. Every time. He can't count how many times life has tried to teach him that lesson.Just once more, he thinks as he walks away from her again, just once more.ora 'His Dark Materials' au where everyone's soul exists outside of their body in the form of an animal
Relationships: Arthur Morgan & Reader, Arthur Morgan/Reader
Comments: 11
Kudos: 20





	1. Dæmon Index

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS you don't have to read through all of this now, i'll integrate it naturally through out the story, but I won't take the time to explain anything so if you get confused just pop back to this page! I'll probably be adding to this as I continue to write :)

**Main Character's Dæmon -**

  * Reader: JUDE / _white doe_ ([x](https://www.semissourian.com/photos/24/84/05/2484056-L.jpg)|[x](https://images.fineartamerica.com/images-medium-large-5/albino-deer-in-autumn-theresa-meegan.jpg)|[x](http://pixdaus.com/files/items/pics/5/35/246535_4f6f58dc048f3cc5099578ca4a5dd294_large.jpg)|[x](https://blog.nature.org/science/files/2016/02/6250538830_bb4b80b31a_o-1260x708.jpg))



**Van Der Linde Gang's Dæmons** -

  * Dutch Van Der Linde: LUTHER / _wolverine_ ([x](https://cdn.britannica.com/32/193032-050-C92D7C5E/Wolverine.jpg)|[x](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/23/9a/5b/239a5b9a3d5033d85aa31b795a5d3757.jpg))
  * Hosea Matthews: MINNIE / _grey fox_ ([x](https://www.naturepl.com/cache/pcache2/01571003.jpg)|[x](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/ae/a5/3a/aea53ac94c0b7d44725906bed2d7bef8.jpg))
  * Arthur Morgan: FELIX / _white-tailed buck_ ([x](https://render.fineartamerica.com/images/rendered/default/poster/8/10/break/images-medium-5/whitetail-deer-buck-shedding-velvet-timothy-flanigan.jpg)|[x](https://content.osgnetworks.tv/northamericanwhitetail/content/photos/whitetail-buck-smelling-air.jpg))
  * Susan Grimshaw: NANCY or 'NAN' / _california_ _condor_ ([x](http://justfunfacts.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/california-condor-3.jpg)|[x](https://peregrinefund.org/sites/default/files/styles/raptor_banner_600x430/public/2019-11/raptor-er-california-condor-perched-sunning-andrew_orr.jpg?itok=ftorLA7u))
  * John Marston: ROB / _north american wolf_ ([x](https://www.petworlds.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/black-Yukon-wolf.jpg)|[x](http://naturemappingfoundation.org/natmap/photos/mammals/gray_wolf_5932_np.jpg))
  * Leopold Strauss: IVAN / _long-tailed weasel_ ([x](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/7a/df/72/7adf72a0522b0485237eba01452dc256.jpg))
  * Davey Callandar: FRANK / _fisher_ ([x](https://www.nps.gov/articles/images/Fisher_2.jpeg?maxwidth=650&autorotate=false))
  * Mac Callandar: OLLIE / _fisher_ ([x](https://www.fs.usda.gov/rmrs/sites/default/files/styles/default_photo__800px_max_/public/Fisher_crop_0.png?itok=--bx-vOp))
  * Karen Jones: SAMUEL or 'MANNY' / _wild boar_ ([x](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/d/d1/20160208054949%21Wildschein%2C_N%C3%A4he_Pulverstampftor_%28cropped%29.jpg/1200px-20160208054949%21Wildschein%2C_N%C3%A4he_Pulverstampftor_%28cropped%29.jpg))
  * Mary-Beth Gaskill: GENEVIEVE / _monarch butterfly_ ([x](https://www.kut.org/sites/kut/files/styles/x_large/public/201910/nymphalidae_Danaus_plexippus_monarch_on_coneflower_CREDIT_Val_Bugh.jpg))
  * Tilly Jackson: RUTH / _bobcat_ ([x](https://www.wildlife.state.nh.us/wildlife/images/wildlife-bobcat-juvenile-dennis-donohue.jpg))
  * Simon Pearson: WILLIE / _american toad_ ([x](http://amphibiancare.com/wp-content/uploads/2005/05/American_Toad-1.jpg))
  * Orville Swanson: HENRY / _red squirrel_ ([x](https://res.cloudinary.com/fleetnation/image/private/c_fit,w_1120/g_south,l_text:style_gothic2:%C2%A9%20robertharding,o_20,y_10/g_center,l_watermark4,o_25,y_50/v1505483823/vtuqlwjrdkhpjb3e5r1i.jpg))
  * Uncle: ALVIN or 'AL' / _raccoon_ ([x](https://c7.alamy.com/comp/X4C8GB/north-american-raccoon-procyon-lotor-sitting-on-a-lawn-captive-hesse-germany-X4C8GB.jpg))
  * Sean MacGuire: JULEP / _irish hare_ ([x](https://res.cloudinary.com/fleetnation/image/private/c_fit,w_1120/g_south,l_text:style_gothic2:%C2%A9%20John%20Doherty,o_20,y_10/g_center,l_watermark4,o_25,y_50/v1432039382/uwrvizgxqsnaveyqtmru.jpg))
  * Molly O'Shea: SORCHA / _viviparous lizard_ ([x](https://comps.canstockphoto.com/viviparous-lizard-basking-on-stump-stock-images_csp49892457.jpg))
  * Josiah Trelawny: FRANCIS / _ruby-throated hummingbird_ ([x](https://lowerdelta.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/hbird.jpg))
  * Bill Williamson: GEORGE / _mountain goat_ ([x](https://www.nps.gov/common/uploads/stories/images/nri/20161004/articles/B2091E24-1DD8-B71B-0B39299C92809B35/B2091E24-1DD8-B71B-0B39299C92809B35.jpg))
  * Abigail Roberts: ETHEL / _swan_ ([x](https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1548715837-972bb0966819?ixlib=rb-1.2.1&ixid=eyJhcHBfaWQiOjEyMDd9&auto=format&fit=crop&w=1000&q=80))
  * Jack Marston: TUCKER or 'TUCK' / ( _final form unsettled) favored shapes are wolf pup, swan chick, fawn, chipmunk, bumblebee_ ([x](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/DW98LD3lA-k/maxresdefault.jpg)|[x](https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2018/05/11/10/53/swan-3390176_960_720.jpg)|[x](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/7c/60/a5/7c60a5663bf811e635d06c604bd70d29.jpg)|[x](https://extension.unh.edu/sites/default/files/styles/2x_blog_main/public/field/image/chipmunk-2192456_1920.jpg?itok=hBCfLYF1&timestamp=1529075323)|[x](https://fcms.s3.amazonaws.com/k0Mmn5qWK1-1112/images/blog/bumble-bee.jpg))
  * Javier Escuella: MAGDALENA or 'LENA' / _maned wolf_ ([x](https://nationalzoo.si.edu/sites/default/files/styles/480x240_scale_and_crop/public/animals/manedwolf-005.jpg?itok=QI5NW5EV&timestamp=1520538731))
  * Micah Bell: ED / _diamondback rattlesnake_ ([x](https://www.nationalgeographic.com/content/dam/animals/pictures/reptiles/e/eastern-diamond-rattlesnake/eastern-diamondback-rattlesnake.jpg))
  * Lenny Summers: HARRY / _coyote_ ([x](http://www.thedigitel.com/sites/default/files/styles/large/public/field/story/image/20100630-coyot_0.jpg?itok=8weMJxaR)|[x](https://wdfw.wa.gov/sites/default/files/styles/page_body_half_width/public/2019-03/1635lpr.jpg?itok=dzLNvpZi))
  * Charles Smith: REIGH / _osprey_ ([x](https://lemonbayconservancy.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/Osprey-male-at-nest-FL-yard-3.1.16-Bill-Dunson-IMG_1668-aa.jpg))
  * Jenny Kirk: JADE / _dragon fly_ ([x](https://images.thestar.com/B84GYi87QCuftA-MVhMjfPcnGRk=/605x743/smart/filters:cb\(2700061000\)/https://www.thestar.com/content/dam/thestar/news/world/2018/12/21/theres-a-huge-and-hidden-migration-in-of-dragonflies-in-north-america/commongreendarner.jpg))
  * Sadie Adler: LILLIAN / _cougar_ ([x](https://cdn-01.independent.ie/world-news/and-finally/article37792063.ece/18677/AUTOCROP/w620/ipanews_b25290bf-e0ab-4c86-8dfe-9c7d0a53ea13_1))
  * Kieran Duffy: BRANWEN / _tennessee walker gelding_ ([x](https://66.media.tumblr.com/5fddf278c86ae1339026d9bab7bba6eb/tumblr_pqxp2h4FbC1x8zaz3o2_500.png))



**Supporting Cast Dæmons -**

  * Bessie Matthews: MARTA / _australian shepard_ _dog_ ([x](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/d7/ca/6d/d7ca6de2deb3430e5f780af2a4266e37.jpg))
  * Annabelle: DAHLIA / _hawk_ ([x](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/b6/c1/0a/b6c10aeb888cba7c1a520229436ff837.jpg))
  * Beatrice Morgan: MARY / _sparrow_ ([x](https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/assets/photo/64973901-720px.jpg))
  * Eliza: CATHERINE / _hedgehog_ ([x](https://www.collegemanorvet.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/25/2018/10/hedgehog.jpg))
  * Issac: TEDDY / _(final form never settled) favored shapes were fawn, kitten, mouse_ ([x](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/2f/3e/b2/2f3eb26493662c4e5e72ef811c41d3a7.jpg)|[x](https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1560114928-40f1f1eb26a0?ixlib=rb-1.2.1&w=1000&q=80)|[x](https://squeaksandnibbles.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/mouse-names-header.jpg))
  * Mary (nee Gillis) Linton: LILY / _snowy owl_ ([x](https://www.poconorecord.com/storyimage/PR/20190126/NEWS/190129711/AR/0/AR-190129711.jpg))
  * Jamie Gillis: OLIVER / _raven_ ([x](https://download.ams.birds.cornell.edu/api/v1/asset/27299051/large))
  * Mrs. Rose Gillis: MATTHEW / _blue jay_ ([x](https://storage.googleapis.com/stcdn/2018/04/bird-386725_960_720.jpg))
  * Barry Linton: ROY / _peacock_ ([x](https://www.chicagotribune.com/resizer/Xc56o9r_KdEkdAkzDHuyXxQbQDg=/800x533/top/arc-anglerfish-arc2-prod-tronc.s3.amazonaws.com/public/FQD4UUESRFCNPIN2OBELEAJUEM.jpg))
  * Thomas Downes: LOTTIE / _cotton-tailed rabbit_ ([x](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/d/df/Eastern_Cottontail.JPG))
  * Edith Downes: PETER / _red cardinal_ ([x](https://static.inaturalist.org/photos/1064/large.jpg?1545346629))
  * Archie Downes: CHESTER / _maine coon cat_ ([x](https://mymodernmet.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/maine-coon-cat-photography-15.jpg))
  * Albert Mason: ANNA / _red robin_ ([x](https://www.thespruce.com/thmb/52sYryeMvhT0jvKsDKJAbWxQHPc=/960x0/filters:no_upscale\(\):max_bytes\(150000\):strip_icc\(\)/am-robin-594ec95a3df78cae81dca55a.jpg))
  * Beau Gray: WALTER / _slow loris_ ([x](https://www.sciencenews.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/120215_sm_slow-loris_free.jpg))
  * Penelope Braithwaite: HOPE / _golden lion tamarin monkey_ ([x](https://www.thoughtco.com/thmb/uD1q6qJx9tmahZ8c0hZzRALqo4M=/768x0/filters:no_upscale\(\):max_bytes\(150000\):strip_icc\(\)/golden-lion-tamarin-993612028-5c3dfc13c9e77c0001485a82.jpg))
  * Rains Fall: dæmon / _elk_ ([x](https://live.staticflickr.com/4071/4699620085_c7a6b55522_b.jpg))
  * Eagle Flies: dæmon / _bald eagle_ ([x](http://www.zoomontana.org/media/17094403120_d55b63dd35_b-683x1024.jpg))
  * Hamish Sinclair: CLOVE / _kestrel falcon_ ([x](https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/assets/photo/70583871-480px.jpg))



**Antagonists' Dæmons -**

  * Lyle Morgan: JOE / _orange t_ _abby cat_ ([x](https://www.wallpaperflare.com/static/902/23/704/cat-fat-sit-watch-wallpaper.jpg))
  * Mr. Edward Gillis: JEREMIAH / _barn owl_ ([x](https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/assets/og/75267271-1200px.jpg))
  * Colm O'Driscoll: FERGUS / _irish wolfhound_ ([x](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/6/6e/Irish_Wolfhound_Sam.jpg))
  * Dennis O'Driscoll: HUGH / _irish wolfhound_ ([x](http://poochinfo.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/White-Irish-Wolfhound.jpg))
  * Catherine Braithwaite: MAE / _black panther_ ([x](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/ae/4f/af/ae4faf3d1e3524d1a7e9d13a07ff6e40.jpg))
  * Angelo Bronte: GIORDANO / _e_ _uscorpius italicus scorpion_ ([x](https://www.ntnu.no/ub/scorpion-files/e_italicus2.jpg))
  * Leviticus Cornwall: PARIS / _western coral snake_ ([x](http://www.coral-snake.com/images/western-coral-snake.jpg))
  * Agent Andrew Milton: JACK / _stag beetle_ ([x](https://www.saga.co.uk/contentlibrary/saga/publishing/verticals/home-and-garden/gardening/garden-wildlife/david-chapman/insects/stag-beetles/male_stag_beetle_760623160_768.jpg))
  * Micah Bell: ED / _diamondback rattlesnake_ ([x](https://www.nationalgeographic.com/content/dam/animals/pictures/reptiles/e/eastern-diamond-rattlesnake/eastern-diamondback-rattlesnake.jpg))



* * *

**Dæmon Lore**

_just tid bits to keep in mind if you're not familiar with the source material I'm pulling from_

_+_

_some things I added that aren't part of the original '_ His Dark Materials' _lore_

  * _**Dæmon** _(noun) - a physical manifestation of one's soul; a sentient entity that is or can be emotionally, physically, and intelligently independent of its human counterpart
  * Children's _Dæmons_ don't settle in one form until they have fully matured out of childhood (usually when they reach 12-14 years old, though there are exceptions)
  * It's physically painful and mentally crippling to be separated from your _Dæmon,_ if the distance is pushed too far it could kill you; and when I say separated I mean miles apart/great distances; the older you get the easier it is to be away from your _Dæmon_ and the more distance you can train yourself to handle 
  * If your _Dæmon_ is killed you basically go brain dead, since no one can truly live without a soul; and if you're killed your _Dæmon_ dies with you
  * If your _Dæmon_ is tortured or restrained in some way it physically effects you too, though the severity and nature of the effects depends on the individual and situation
  * Your _Dæmon_ doesn't need to eat, drink, or relieve itself like you do, but if you're hungry then your _Dæmon_ is hungry and you both suffer; the only way to remedy this is if you remedy whatever it is that's ailing you; while its possible for your _Dæmon_ to be awake when you're asleep for the most part if you're asleep so is your _Dæmon;_ its some what of a skill that needs to be learned and practiced in order to have your _Dæmon_ be awake while you're asleep or vice versa; its extremely taxing even if you know how to do it
  * _Dæmons_ don't necessarily identify with gender the way humans do, in fact its very common for a woman to have a 'male' _Dæmon_ or a man to have a 'female' _Dæmon_ and for children it changes constantly 
  * Most people don't have large or highly predatory _Dæmons,_ partly because most people don't live in a place where a _Dæmon_ of significant size could realistically and comfortably get around (ie elephant, giraffe, elk, horse, deer, etc), but also its rare to settle as an extremely aggressive animal (ie bear, large cats, wolves, large birds of prey, man-eating reptiles, poisonous insects, etc); if someone's _Dæmon_ does settle as one of these they are usually given a lot of respect and garner positions of political/social power easily 
  * _Dæmons_ tend to settle as animals their human counterpart has been around/is familiar with or at the very least has seen before
  * Not everyone is content with what their _Dæmon_ settles as, humans have no control over their _Dæmon's_ final form 
  * Soulmates are sort of a thing and sort of aren't; humans are still humans and having _Dæmons_ doesn't change that, what makes things different is the fact that your _Dæmon_ can bond with other _Dæmons_ against your will, without your consent, or have a completely different relationship with a _Dæmon_ of a person you may despise or dislike; in this way you can be drawn to someone from a force that's technically you but still feels outside your realm of control
  * Depending on what kind of relationship your _Dæmon_ has with another _Dæmon,_ they can track them using a 'sixth sense' similar to how you and your _Dæmon_ always know where the other is if you are separated or out of range for any of your five biological senses to be of use 
  * The bond your _Dæmon_ creates with someone you are in love with or have love for has its own separate dynamic and meaning; for example you could be in love with someone but your _Dæmons_ don't end up getting along - this is taboo and people usually take this to mean the relationship is doomed, alternatively if you love someone and your _Dæmon_ reacts positively to their _Dæmon,_ a strong spiritual bond is formed that is near impossible to fracture - these kinds of 'true love' connections are rare, so rare in fact that most people believe them to be entirely myth and legend 



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took FOREVER to put together lmao but I hope you get a kick out of it! It was super interesting doing research and assigning everyone's spirit animal!!


	2. golden nuggets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've always been obsessed with the idea of spirit animals, so when arthur started getting those visions towards the tragic end of rdr2 how could i not write a fic like this ??
> 
> also! ive taken the liberty to completely make up locations. as we all know the world of rdr is based off of our world but just slightly tweaked, so in lieu of a lack of canon to pull from during the time and place im setting this fic, i had to improvise a little :)

* * *

_Los Lallados, California_

**circa February 1867**

* * *

"We's hungry," Comes the weak whine of your _Dæmon_ Jude from beside you _._

You ignore her in favor of watching as, just on time, the man who works in the saloon you've been haunting this week kicks open the back door, and dumps what looks to be a bucket full of chicken bones into the frozen mud. Without bothering to wait until he steps back inside, Jude and you lunge for the scraps. The man gives a scoff, _'_

"Immigrants! Always leaving their dirty offspring all over the place!" Before he retreats back into the warmth, light, and noise of the bar.

Jude transforms from an armadillo into a juvenile version of one of the alley cats you came across earlier that day, left ear bitten clean off and grey fur a patchy mess. She hisses at the small group of rodent night scavengers that begin to descend on your score, wanting a bite to eat too. You make quick work of sorting through the bones that have leftover _anything_ on them from the ones that don’t, before taking off at a run, cradling your collection of mostly stripped bones to your chest. Your legs carry you swiftly if a bit shakily towards a little hovel dug out of the side of a small prairie hill you found just outside of town. You don’t know what animal it used to belong to, nor do you care, but the creature hasn’t returned since you commandeered it and that’s all that matters.

“Eat eat!” Jude urges, tottering at your heels still in the form of the alley cat, as you clear the boarder of town where the storefront buildings start to become pieces of ranch land and humble groupings of cottages.

“N’yet,” You say through clenched teeth as your little bare feet continue to pound against cold packed earth.

It takes you another dozen heartbeats - you count them as a way to measure distance - to reach your hovel. Past the poorest cottages, then a little further, and just on the other side of the hill. You duck and practically slide in, uncaring that one of the many tares in your thin soiled shift catches on something sharp and pulls a snagged seam ever wider. Immediately you start in on the bones, lips peeling up to bare your baby teeth as you suck on the bones one by one, gnawing at them like the dogs by the butcher stall. As you bite on the last of the bones, a dull but marked throb echoes along your upper jaw. You make a small noise of surprise, pulling the bone out of your mouth and feeling for the source of the odd sensation thinking it might be a pebble or grain of dirt from the mud some of the bones were partly covered in. 

"Juuuude," You call in rising panic, looking at the tiny bloody tooth laying in your palm. 

Jude snaps around to face you at your tone, focus now fully on your face in the dark instead of patrolling the mouth of the shallow den.

"Yeah?" She responds cautiously, inching towards you with her fuzzy kitten tail erect. 

"My...my toof fell out!" Your speech is different now too for some reason, it feels funny to talk. You don't like it. 

"What?"

"MY TOOF FELL OUT!"

"Your what?"

"MY TOOF!" 

Jude makes a strangled noise then as a little fang also falls from her mouth, " _MY_ TOOF!" 

"We gotta tell sthomone!" 

"Are we dyin'?!" 

"I don' think stho!"

"We can find someone in the mornin', maybe tha' doctor man in town can tell us if we's dyin'." 

"Okay."

"Okay."

* * *

 _You're about four years old when you first meet Arthur Morgan._

* * *

At first light Jude and you clamber out of your hovel, dropping the cleaned bones a ways off from your little den as to avoid attracting any unwanted guests (you'd learned that lesson the hard way), before making your way into town. The chill of early spring cuts straight through your measly torn coverings as you walk through a crystalline display of morning dew. Delicate clear droplets rest on or hang precariously off of the tall blades of prairie grass, your bare feet all the way up to your hips collecting each freezing drop. The closer you get to the town, the more flat and bare the land gets. You dislike it. You dislike town. The people there are mean. You wrap your arms around yourself and shiver. 

"Ya think tha' doctor man will be there this early?" Jude chirps as she flaps about your head, now a sparrow, avoiding the cold dew that's currently drenching you to the bone and making you feel all stiff and hollow inside. 

"I's think so, if not we'd cud be dyin' and never knows it," 

"Ya think we's will die like tha' lady in town who had tha' bleedin' sores on 'er mouth?" 

"Dunno Jude, I hopes not." 

The two of you continue the rest of the journey in silence, thankful when the sun makes its final break from the horizon and reaches its long fingers to you, placing a warm comforting hand on your bony back and guiding you forward. Once you move past all the homesteads and sprawling farm lands, you make your way to the main collection of buildings, skittering in the weakening shadows towards the place where you've seen all the sick or injured people go. You know better than to take the open streets as the bustle of trade and traffic thicken along with the new light of day, so you navigate the back ways and alleys, the few of them that there are in this rural town, and find yourself at the splintered back door of the doctor's store. Jude perches on your shoulder and gives your ear an encouraging little peck when you hesitate. You have no money or food or favors to trade, but you reason that all you're asking for is information. Hopefully whether or not you're dying can be told to you for free. You clench your tooth in your right hand tighter before huffing once, and reaching to open the door. 

As your frail fingers just start to grip the worn copper knob, the door crashes open with a bang, sending you _flying_. 

A cry of pain escapes you as the door connects directly with your face, and punches you back off the steps and down into the hard dirt. You hear Jude's equally strained screeching while a woman and a man's voice from inside exclaim, 'Goodness!' and 'Good Lord what was that?' but you can't do much more than register the sharp sting swallowing your face. Your free hand shoots up to your nose to test the place where it hurts most, but you only end up yelping at the prodding pressure of your fingers.

"Arthur?!" Comes the woman's voice, this time accompanied by the thudding of hurried footsteps on the wood flooring of the store's interior.

Startled at the sound of a stranger's approach, you peel open your eyes only for water to come gushing out, blurring your vision so thoroughly you're forced to close them again.

You jump at the sound of shuffling feet right in front of you before you hear a soft but heartfelt, "I'm sorry, didn't see ya there."

Jude is flopping about on the ground, trying to get back in the air and recover her eye sight because you're _panicking_. Someone is talking to you -- standing right in front of you -- and you can't see them. You scoot back on the ground, breath starting to leave you in quick shallow huffs as you try and fail to open your eyes. 

"Arthur answer me -- sweet Mary!" The woman's voice, closer now, exclaims, sounding like they're hovering in the store's back doorway, "Arthur darlin' who's this? Did ya make a friend? Did they have an accident?"

"They's was standin' right in front of the door Mama," Comes the first voice again, less soft now but still apologetic. It sounds like a young boy, "I hit 'em on ma way out by's accident." 

The fact that its another kid calms you some, only for you to freeze at the sound of boots creaking on the old wood steps as the woman leaves the store doorway and starts to approach you and the young boy a pace or two up the dirt pathway. Nothing ever good comes from grown ups approaching you. You steel yourself against the sting in your face and finally force your eyes open. 

"Oh darlin' don't I always tell ya not to run when pushin' open doors?" The boy's mother, you guess, admonishes as you furiously blink the leftover tears away.

"Yes mama, sorry mama." 

Jude narrowly avoids colliding with the woman's _Dæmon_ as she takes off in the air towards you, having just recovered her eyesight too. It's a bird, a small one like Jude, but Jude pays no mind to it or it's startled tweets as she careens into your waiting arms. The second Jude is safe in your embrace, your tooth still fisted tight in your right hand, the pull in your chest loosens a little. 

"Are you, are you alright dear?" The boy's mother says softly as she comes to a slow stop a few steps in front of you, towering over your prone form on the ground, "You look a'fright,"

Before you can even think of what to do or say, more footsteps echo out of the door from inside the store. It's a man, you can tell by the heavy stomping and slower gait. Your fear sky rockets.

Men are the scariest. The alleyways taught you that. 

Determined to protect you, Jude thinks of the first creature with claws it knows the shape of, and twists out of your arms to transform mid-air into the one-eared kitten. Jude lands stiffly on all fours, grey fur standing straight up and little claws and teeth bared, hissing as the doctor appears in the doorway. He takes in the scene, takes in you and your bleeding nose, clears his throat, 

"Ma'am," A pointed pause, "You've yet to pay." A staunch warning. 

Beatrice Morgan gasps, realizing she'd walked, or more like ran, out of the store with the medicine without completing the purchase. Quickly she digs in her worn satchel and pulls out a light pouch of coin. Mary, her sparrow settled _Dæmon,_ plucks the strings of the coin purse out of her fingers with her beak and flits the money over to the doctor who snatches it from the air without another word. He gives a curt nod before turning on his heel and closing the door solidly behind him. Beatrice reigns in the bitterness that pours into her stomach at his lack of compassion for the clearly injured and bleeding child on the ground, but refocuses her attention on you. 

"Are you hurt badly little one?" She asks in a grave tone of concern, absently running gentle fingers through the boy's fine gold hair as he sidles up to her skirts. 

Before you can process the kindness being shown to you let alone come up with an answer, you're momentarily distracted by the boy's _Dæmon_ trailing after him, having not noticed it until now. Long knobby legs, a tan coat with white spots, large dark eyes, and big floppy ears...a fawn, just like the ones Jude and you watch play in the meadow near your hovel. Beatrice takes your silence as fear and its her _Dæmon_ that speaks up this time.

"We don't mean you any harm," Mary attempts to reassure in a bright voice so close to bird-song, if you heard it from a great enough distance you'd mistake it as such. Your attention goes to the _Dæmon_ perched on the mother's left shoulder - its a small bird, a sparrow you realize, much like the shape Jude took on earlier but more mature looking and a great deal lovelier. The _Dæmon_ positions her head in multiple angles, allowing both of her eyes to get a good look at you and Jude, before continuing, "Maybe we can help you find your parents? Which shops are your Mama or Pa at dear?" 

You stare up at them all in silence, watching the mother intently as you chew over how to answer. The woman seems to hold all the warmth of the sun in her, but she's also clearly burdened by a feeling you've seen lone girls smoking on saloon balconies cry over, and women stumbling out of dark alleyways limp with. 

"Don't got no Ma or Pa." You say carefully after wiping the back of your hand gingerly under your nose, determined to stick with your choice to not trust them. Trust nobody, especially adults, that's what life taught you. 

Beatrice's face falls at that. You watch the warmth in her grow. Your eyebrows pinch in suspicion. Jude hops back into your arms and tucks in close to you as you stand up, her patchy grey fur catching against the gaping holes in your shift that's still wet from your walk through the dew covered grass. You actively try to ignore how the soiled fabric is plastered to you in certain places. 

"What you mean ya got no Ma or Pa?" Challenges a new voice, the fawn. It moves its big furred ears up from their previous resting droop, awaiting an answer. 

"Yeah," The boy the woman had called Arthur agrees, stepping out in front of his mother, "Felix is right, everyone's got a Ma and Pa." 

"Well we don't." You snap, now feeling less scared and more irritated. Boys are stupid, experience taught you that. 

"We don't." Jude echoes as she paws at your fist with the tooth in it. 

"Then how's you alive?" Arthur fires back before Beatrice can get a word in as Felix points his nose towards Jude in your arms, and takes a deliberate sniff, "Pa said babies come outta workin' women who don't want them --,"

"Arthur!" Beatrice scolds, horrified and furious all at once.

_When did he over hear Lyle talk like that?_

She always tries so hard to keep Arthur away from him when he descends into his drunken fits. Beatrice attempts to smile through the twinge that rolls across her face as the familiar turmoil associated with her husband churns its usual poison through her system. Arthur immediately relents, turning back to look up at his mother guiltily from under his thick lashes, a smearing of color rising in his cheeks as he sinks back into himself. Felix had turned and lowered his ears at her tone too, but continues his cautious snuffling escapade towards Jude once Beatrice gives an exasperated sigh. Mary turns her head at an angle, keeping a sharp trained eye on the mischievous fawn. 

"Can we get you anythin' then? Will you let us help you?" The mother asks and Jude paws at the fist with your tooth in it again. 

You squint at her, still unsure, but Jude decides for you and jumps down from your arms.

The sudden movement startles Felix into a semi crouch, and without preamble Jude announces, "We's think we's dyin'." 

The woman _falls to her knees_ in front of you, causing Jude to scamper behind your legs and you to freeze under the careful firm touch of the mother's calloused hands that press on the outside of your thin upper arms. 

"Why do ya think that! What's happened to ya?" 

Her concern for you was cause enough for suspicion, but blind kindness paired with a warm touch that so far only the sun has given you, is reason for outright confusion. Out of reflex you violently flinch away, and she pulls her hands back from you just as fast. Her eyes grow impossibly sad then, and instead of reaching for you again she clasps her hands together and starts wringing her fingers as she waits for you to speak.

You decide she's crazy. 

After another moment of you trying to comprehend all this strange behavior, you clear your throat and wordlessly present her your closed fist. You squint at her once again, hard, wondering what she would do next, before slowly revealing your tooth. 

Beatrice stares down at the tiny baby tooth in your cracked filthy palm and can do nothing but breathe for a beat or two.

"Oh thank the Lord," Mary chirps from Beatrice's shoulder, ruffling her feathers at the release of nerves. 

The woman sighs and drops her head. She's relieved, you realize with a start.

 _Of course she'd be relieved you're dying,_ you think with a snarl. 

"Look at that!" Arthur bursts in complete awe, gently pushing forward around his mother to stand in front of you and ogle at the tooth laying in your palm.

You watch the boy's eyes glitter with unchecked glee, his irises the color of a cloudless sky -- clear, unreachable, and endless. His expression is bright, like you're in possession of a gold nugget instead of a bloody tooth. 

"Lemme see I wanna see!" Felix bleats as he noses the bottom of your hand that's held too high for him to get a proper look, while Jude swats a protective paw at him from her place behind your thin ankles. 

"I haven't lost _any_ of my baby teeth yet!" Arthur continues, flipping his stare up at you like now _you_ are the gold nugget. 

"What?" You mumble, completely lost, and quickly growing shy under his gaze.

"Baby teeth! That right there is a baby teeth -- tooth!" He stutters.

"Baby teethtooth?" You repeat still not entirely sure what's going on. 

"No, baby _tooth_. You los' your firs' baby tooth! That's amazin'!" 

After a beat of mulling this over you eventually hazard, "So I's not dyin'?" 

Arthur giggles then and smiles so wide it makes the corners of _your_ mouth lift just a little. You watch the way the sun clings to his hair and bounces off the color of his eyes -- so much _light_. He's overflowing with it. In that moment you decide you want it. You want the light this boy has, the light the sun has so generously heaped upon him. So, absolutely determined, you move forward and try to take some of it. 

Beatrice watches in shock as the orphan girl leans forward and plants a huge kiss onto her unsuspecting son's mouth. 

Light can be shared, stolen, or given through this mouth-pressing thing that adults do. Women in saloons, men in alleys, couples in dark corners taught you that. You just hope that you can take from the boy without hurting him how some men hurt the women they steal light from. Both of your eyes are open, Arthur's with shock, yours with envy. The moment lasts another beat before the boy shoves you away so hard you fall back on your sore butt. 

"EUGHK!" Arthur cries as Felix kicks out at Jude who he'd just managed to get a good sniff at. 

"Oh goodness!" Beatrice shoots to her feet and rushes to help you up, "Arthur that wasn't very nice!"

Arthur is too busy continuously wiping his mouth on the backs of his hands and making affronted noises to answer. 

You allow the mother to help you up, but shrink away from her fussing, brushing yourself off with no hard feelings towards the boy. Fair is fair, you tried to take light without asking. You've seen women do worse to men who take without asking, so you consider yourself lucky. When you want something, you have to steal it because no one would give it to you. Life taught you that. This reality of yours leaves you completely unrepentant in regards to your attempt at stealing the boy's light, so you move to the next best thing to steal -- which is some of the woman's warmth. Since this is the first time kindness has ever been freely offered to you, you plan to take full advantage. You're helplessly greedy for more. 

"D'ya haves food?" You square your shoulders as you stare her directly in the eye, soaking up the easy comfort that resides in her gaze. 

Beatrice feels a surge of hope rise in her chest, _the child is going to let me help her!_

"Not here," Beatrice starts, and before your expression can sour with disappointment she adds, "But if you don't mind comin' back home with Arthur an' me, I can fix ya right up!" 

You instantly stare down at Jude by your feet, the two of you exchanging worries and concerns silently, before you raise your eyes and nod in confirmation. 

"We's will come." 

"Wonderful!" Beatrice exclaims with a clap of her hands while Mary twitters with joy on her shoulder. 

Arthur and Felix are less than pleased at this development, but they say nothing as his mother begins leading the both of you back towards the main street. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for taking so long in updating this :((( i know this chapter isnt super long, but im working on the next one rn! I'll have that out as soon as im able! comment your thoughts down below if you'd like xx


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